According to research approximately 40 – 50% of all first time married couples end in divorce or legal separation and around 60- 65% of second time marriages end the same way. Even though divorce is a part of life over the recent fifty years divorce rates are higher. Even so there have been changes in laws that have made getting divorced much easier. In the 1970s and early 1980s there were very high divorce rates. Even though the rate of divorce since then have decreased divorce is still common.
Today in the US divorce is very common. In fact, half of all marriages end in divorce and some couples end up getting permanently separated. One of the main factors why couples stay together has been seen to be commitment. In some instances divorce was seen to be necessary but there are instances where couples wish that they had tried going to couples therapy or worked on the marriage a bit harder before getting a divorce.
There are a variety of reasons why couples are at a frequent risk of divorce. Here are some of the common reasons for divorce.
There are instances where by couples get into arguments and disagreement and if they are unable to find a solution to their problems they will grow apart. Irreconcilable differences can occur when couples either choose not to solve an issue immediately. When the issue progresses couples are unable to discuss the challenge that they are facing as well as other future challenges and it becomes a hindrance to them having a flourishing marriage.
Irreconcilable differences can as well result in people drifting apart and can occur if;
- People do not share the same values
- Got married too young
- People gave religious differences
For most couples they are able to live with their differences and their differences bring them together. However, marriages that are successful can be based on interests, values, priorities that people share.
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Lack of Commitment
There are a variety of studies that have been carried out where individuals were asked to choose from a list why their divorce happened and most of them ended up choosing a lack of commitment as the main factor. The individuals who gave the same answer were as many as 85%.
A lack of commitment in marriage can be hard to prove. It is especially hard if an individual is the one being blamed for the problems that the marriage is facing. The visible signs of a lack of commitment are cheating, an individual not willing to talk about the relationship or planning together for the future. These factors are the reasons why a lot of people will say that a marriage failed as a result of a lack of commitment. Individuals see a lack of commitment as the issue underlying a broad range of more obvious issues.
There are a lot of couples that can cite poor communication as the reason why the marriage ended. Couples either argued too much or they were not able to communicate with one another. Communication problems can as well be the cause of other problems in the marriage such as having conflict over finances and family responsibilities.
You can recognize when you are frequently arguing with your spouse. You may not argue frequently and the fights may not be that bad, even so, you should look out for the same arguments that never get resolved. If you are arguing over the same thing frequently it is a sign that you need help in learning how to communicate. There are couples that opt to go for couple’s therapy so they can communicate effectively.
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Most people that have a hard time communicating can attest to the fact that their conflicts either got worse with time or the problem was never resolved effectively or in calm manner. Most of the couples communication problem increase as the marriage progressed when they didn’t find a way to resolve it. When couples argue frequently in order to put an end to it some choose to get a divorce.
There are a lot challenges and issues surrounding a marriage but most of these issues are known to get out of hand when there is lack of communication.
Extramarital Affairs/ Cheating
If one the party’s who are married to one another decide to go out of the relations so they can get either get their sexual or physical needs met it can put a huge strain in the relationship. After a partner feels betrayed it can be very hard to trust again.
Cheating or extramarital affairs are responsible for a high percentage of divorce rates in the country. The individuals who cheat do so for a variety of reason. There isn’t just one reasons for cheating as one may think in their moment of anger after feeling betrayed.
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Some of the underlying reasons why people cheat are;
- There is a lack of emotional intimacy in a marriage
- Differences in sexual appetite
- Anger and resentment
Most of the people that cheat do not intend to do so. An affair can start with a harmless friendship that later progress into cheating. Before an individual can cheat physically they cheat emotionally or with their mind.
Cheating is among the primary reasons for divorce and can be used as grounds to file for a fault based divorce.
Abuse can come in different forms. It can either be physical abuse or emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can happen when a partner withdraws affection so they can punish their partner. Abuse can leave the partner who is being subjected to it feeling powerless. Abuse differs from other reasons why couples get divorced in that it is not a relationship issue but it is something that is within one individual.
According to a national study, men and women showed a different view in how domestic abuse should affect divorce. 9 % of men and 42 % of women mentioned domestic violence as an important reason why their unions should end. The results of the study show that women are more likely to suffer abuse compared to men and that the one getting abused is more likely to see the behavior as a reason for separation in the marriage.
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It is important that when you do decide to get out of a relationship that is as a result of domestic violence that you do so safely. You can contact a lawyer that can advise you on the best on how you can best protect yourself when you are leaving an abusive marriage.
It is as well important for individuals to look out for warning signs of an abusive relationship before it gets out of hand.
Money can bring about tension in a marriage. The difference in spending habits, saving culture, and how they make money can result in triggering frequent tension in marriage. When couples are in frequent disagreements they are no longer able to work together and plan together as a team. There are parties that may think that their spouses either spends too much, saves too much or they may begin worrying about their debts. What to spend on as a couple can become an issue if they cannot come to an agreement. If they disagree over time they may prefer to keep their own individual assets and go their separate ways.
Lies about financial issues during and before the time of marriage can as well lead to divorce. If one party makes purchases in secret or they hide debts that are then reveled after marriage it can cause disputes. Not consulting your spouse when you want to make a big purchase can be seen as deception and can lead to huge disagreement. Frequently talking about your finances and financial goals before and after marriage can help build a healthy relationship.
Marriage is meant to last a lifetime and most couples going into marriage planning to have a successful marriage until issues come up in the marriage. If after couples therapy or marriage counseling you have decided to go your separate ways, our knowledgeable divorce lawyers in El Paso County can review your situation and help advise you on the best route to take for divorce. Whether you choose the collaborative divorce process or the litigation process our divorce lawyer will help walk you through the process. Contact Brighter Day℠ to schedule your initial consultation with our experienced divorce law team.