According to research, approximately 40–50% of first-time marriages end in divorce or legal separation, with second marriages ending at an even higher rate — around 60–65%. While divorce rates peaked in the late 1970s and early 1980s and have gradually declined since then, separation remains a reality for a significant share of American couples. Commitment has been identified as one of the strongest predictors of whether a marriage survives, and in some cases couples reflect afterward that earlier intervention — like couples therapy — might have changed the outcome.
There are a variety of reasons why couples reach this point. Here are some of the most common.
Table of Contents
- Irreconcilable Differences
- Lack of Commitment
- Poor Communication
- Extramarital Affairs / Cheating
- Domestic Abuse
- Financial Issues
Irreconcilable Differences
There are instances whereby couples get into arguments and disagreements and, if they are unable to find a solution, they will grow apart. Irreconcilable differences can occur when couples either choose not to address an issue immediately. When the issue progresses, couples are unable to discuss the challenges they are facing, and it becomes a hindrance to having a flourishing marriage.
Irreconcilable differences can also result in people drifting apart and may occur if:
- People do not share the same values
- The couple married too young
- People have religious differences
Most couples are able to live with their differences, and those differences can even bring them together. Successful marriages are often built on shared interests, values, and priorities.
Related Content: What to Expect at Your Divorce Consultation
Lack of Commitment
Studies have asked individuals to select from a list of reasons why their divorce happened, and the most common answer — selected by as many as 85% of respondents — was a lack of commitment.
A lack of commitment in marriage can be hard to prove, especially when one partner is being blamed. The visible signs include cheating, an unwillingness to discuss the relationship, or a failure to plan for the future together. Many people view lack of commitment as the underlying cause behind a broader range of more obvious problems.
Poor Communication
A large number of couples cite poor communication as a reason their marriage ended — either arguing too much or being unable to communicate at all. Communication problems can also be the source of other issues in the marriage, including conflict over finances and family responsibilities.
You can recognize when you are frequently arguing with your spouse. Even if the fights seem manageable, watch for arguments that recur and are never resolved. Recurring arguments over the same topic are a sign that learning to communicate differently could help. Some couples choose to work with a therapist to develop those skills.
Marriage Tips: Can Marriage Counseling Prevent a Divorce?
Most couples who struggle with communication find that their conflicts worsen over time, or are never resolved in a calm and effective way. When arguments become exhausting without resolution, some couples eventually choose to begin the divorce process.
There are a lot of challenges and issues surrounding a marriage, but most are known to spiral when there is a persistent lack of communication.
Extramarital Affairs / Cheating
If one partner seeks to meet emotional or physical needs outside of the marriage, it can place a severe strain on the relationship. After a partner feels betrayed, rebuilding trust can be extremely difficult.
Cheating or extramarital affairs account for a high percentage of divorces in the country. The individuals who cheat do so for a variety of reasons — there is rarely a single cause, even in moments of anger after a betrayal.
Learn More: Colorado Divorce Law and Adultery
Some of the underlying reasons people cheat include:
- A lack of emotional intimacy in the marriage
- Differences in sexual appetite
- Anger and resentment
Most people who cheat do not initially intend to do so. An affair can start with a friendship that gradually progresses. In many cases, emotional infidelity precedes physical infidelity.
Cheating is among the most cited reasons couples file for divorce. If you suspect your spouse is being unfaithful, read What If I Think My Spouse Is Cheating? to understand your options. You should also review Does Adultery Affect Divorce Outcomes in Colorado? to understand how Colorado courts may treat infidelity during proceedings.
Domestic Abuse
Abuse can come in different forms — physical or emotional. Emotional abuse can happen when a partner withholds affection as a form of punishment. Abuse leaves the person subjected to it feeling powerless, and it is distinct from other relationship problems in that it originates within one individual rather than the relationship dynamic itself.
Studies indicate that women are more likely to experience domestic abuse in a marriage, and those who experience it are more likely to view it as a reason to end the marriage.
Learn More: 10 Ways to Improve Your Self-Care During a Divorce
It is important that when you decide to leave a relationship due to domestic violence, you do so safely. You can contact an attorney who can advise you on how to protect yourself when leaving an abusive marriage. If you need immediate legal protection, learn more about Colorado Springs protection orders.
It is also important for individuals to recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship before it escalates.
Financial Issues
Money can bring about significant tension in a marriage. Differences in spending habits, savings culture, and income generation can trigger frequent conflict. When couples are in constant disagreement, they are no longer able to work together and plan as a team.
Each party may feel that the other spends too much, saves too much, or is carrying hidden debt. What to spend on as a couple can become an ongoing source of dispute. If left unresolved, some couples choose to separate their finances and go their separate ways.
Lies about finances — before or during marriage — can also lead to divorce. Secret purchases, hidden debts revealed after the wedding, or major spending without consulting a partner can be viewed as deception. If you suspect your spouse is concealing financial information, read What to Do If Your Spouse Is Hiding Assets During a Divorce. For those navigating the financial fallout, Managing Your Finances After a Divorce offers a practical starting point.
Regularly discussing finances and long-term financial goals — before and after marriage — can help build a healthier foundation.
Marriage is meant to last a lifetime, and most couples enter it with that intention. If, after couples therapy or marriage counseling, you have decided to go your separate ways, our knowledgeable divorce lawyers in El Paso County can review your situation and help advise you on the best path forward.
Whether you choose the collaborative divorce process or litigation, our attorneys will walk you through every step. Contact Brighter Day to schedule your initial consultation with our experienced divorce law team.